An insight into the life of a target of alienation…for a loving parent?

December 30, 2013 § Leave a comment

An insight into the life of a target of alienation…

You drop your son off at the other parent’s house. 

He said over and over he didn’t want to go back there. He’s tried to stall by forgetting how or just being slow to get dressed, brush his teeth and hair. But you reassure him that there are good things waiting for him. 

He puts on his coat reluctantly.

His shoulders are slumped as he walks with you to the door.

A glare meets you at the door. (You were 3 minutes late).

He hugs tighter and longer. And he tries to get the last “I love you/I’ll miss you” in. 

You walk quietly to your car as you hear a door slam, not close, slam behind you. 

You drive home, without making a sound in the car, just thinking, reminiscing of the time that just ended. Other times you will try to avoid going home at all in order to avoid the “nothing” that awaits you.

You arrive home to a space that is quiet and cold. The thermostat says 68, but is still colder than when you left.

You walk into the living room and see a toy or a stuffed dinosaur or an errant sock.

You go upstairs to his room. You see an errant line of silly string, a remnant from a string fight he and a friend had.

You see an indentation in a pillow where his head laid just an hour ago. The indentation slowly shows the outline of an ear or a cheek or the bridge of a nose.

So you lay next to this pillow. And you try to pull in his scent.

You grab his stuffed dinosaur and sniff it’s neck. 

You then pull yourself together.

You get up and walk out of the room, closing the door behind you as if you’ve just put him to bed. Because you have put this time to bed. Waiting for the next time he’s there so you can wake up again.

It’s something of a bipolar existence. “Double life” may be a better phrase. Can’t have the mental health people diagnosing you.

But it is the life of a parent who is the target of alienation.

Parents, my advice to you- be good to each other. Because there may be a little boy or girl who has their process in dealing with being in the middle of alienation tactics. You may not like their process. You may not know their process. Your focus has been on trying to eliminate the other parent. But have you paused to think about what your selfishness is doing to these young minds?

My fellow targeted parents, keep solace in the fact that they may get the first 10-15 years. But stay strong. Stay “there”. Stay involved. Stay intact. And you’ll get the next 40.

Thanks for letting me rant.

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Pam Lowry (Child Support Enforcement), Diane Potts (State’s Atty) THE APPERANCE OF TITLE-IV FUNDING SCAM

July 30, 2013 § 1 Comment

For those who correctly believe that Pam Lowry (Child Support Enforcement), Diane Potts (State’s Atty) and their band of non-custodial parent haters ?The appearance (They do not give a damn about the parents or the kids, it’s about the money for the State),That they steak from the FED through TITLE -IV FUNDS. So here is an email from the (Illinois scumbag bullshit assocation) ListServ:

 

Scumbag 1:

 

I just picked up an interesting case and have not started the research yet. Facts are not really at  issue but the legal impact of the facts is at issue.

Couple appears before judge, each is pro se, in regard to child support based on cutodial parent’s petition. She represents to court that non-custodial parent has trouble paying her and does not want to pay SDU. She suggests that non-custodial make payments of certain bills in lieu of child support. She presents list of bills and amounts to judge. Judge reviews list and issues with no-custodial parent and he agrees. Payments are enumerated with attached list and non-custodial is ordered to pay them in the amount of $905 which is with $10 of the statutory percentage of child support. Order is hand written by the judge and then signed by him, filed with the Clerk and each party gets a copy.

IDFHS now intervenes and has taken the position that whatever the order for $905 was, it was not an order for child support. So they are claiming back support and accrued interest during the time that order was in effect – about three years. Then the children changed custody and went to live with father.

I know that payments made not pursuant to an order can be deemed gifts. But this doesnt seem to be that situation – especially if the Order was drafted by the judge. Any thoughts?

 

Scumbag 2:

 

intervened at whose bequest?  application of the mother?  to reimburse the state for public aid payments made to mother?  they are not a party to the proceedings without a basis for coming in to protect either ihfs or on the mother’s application

 

 

baby lk dose it again !!!!

July 29, 2013 § Leave a comment

copy and paste into browser  on link and learn about the scumbags !!!!

Don’t watch this for the faint of heart .Not for the Alienator it would be like looking in a mirror.

July 22, 2013 § Leave a comment

The Child Priority ° Remixed | Parental Alienation Movie

http://www.youtube.com

Dear Infowars, Our entry was removed by youtube for the complaints of Parental Alienation or hostile aggressive.

Judge does nothing but real time turn a blind eye on camera cannon violations and more than appearance of cottage industry

July 6, 2013 § 6 Comments

UNJUST ARREST IN FRONT OF CHILD CLARK COUNTY FAMILY COURT JUDGE DOES NOTHING!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytUl2Ie4E8Y
Cop Sexually Assaults Woman Then Arrests Her For Protesting

http://www.youtube.com

SUPPORT POLICE. BEAT YOURSELF UP. Home: http://beatyourselfup.com Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeatUrselfUp Source: http://xrepublic.tv/node/3112

Cops Plead Guilty to Helping Plant Drugs on Woman Sexually Harassed by Judge

June 26, 2013 § Leave a comment

  DRUGS

Cops Plead Guilty to Helping Plant Drugs on Woman Sexually Harassed by Judge

A judge responded to an assault victim by demanding sex in exchange for ‘legal favors.’ She filed a complaint, and he sent cops to plant meth in her car.

Photo Credit: shutterstock.com

June 11, 2013  |

With a plot out of a Hollywood movie or a gripping Lifetime TV show, a mesmerizing drama of sex, power, frame-ups, planted drugs, and lies unfolded in real life in Georgia when two Murray County sheriff’s deputies recently pleaded guilty in federal court for their part in a scheme to send an innocent woman to prison. Now both deputies await sentencing on charges of obstruction of justice and perjury stemming from an FBI civil rights investigation into the odd goings-on Down South.

The woman in question, Angela Garmley, had filed a complaint with the Georgia Judicial Qualification Committee alleging that Chief Magistrate Judge Bryant Cochran solicited sex from her in return for legal favors. Shortly after Garmley filed her complaint, she was arrested on August 14, 2012 in sleepy Chatsworth, Georgia, and charged with possession of methamphetamines.

“My client was set up and framed with methamphetamine drugs by Judge Bryant Cochran, whom she had accused of soliciting her for sex in exchange for legal favors in a case she had in Cochran’s court,” attorney McCracken Poston told the Chronicle.

Poston, a former Georgia state representative from nearby Ringgold with a reputation as a crack attorney, is representing Garmley in a  civil lawsuit against Murray County. And Garmley isn’t alone. Since this scandal broke, three women who worked in Cochran’s court have filed a separate lawsuit against the judge and the county claiming Cochran sexually harassed them while county officials negligently failed to protect their rights.

“The judge, two deputies, and a handyman named C.J. who is employed at Judge Cochran’s property conspired to plant the drugs on my client. And if the frame-up hadn’t been discovered my client would’ve been facing 25 to 30 years in prison,” Poston said, echoing the allegations made it the lawsuit.

Although the drug charge was dismissed a week later at the request of investigators when the frame-up wax exposed, Garmley is still suffering the consequences of her false arrest. Under Georgia law, it takes one year for the charge to be removed from Garmley’s record, and the arrest has already cost her.

“My client was denied a much higher paid job due to the felony drug charge on her record and what the judge and cops did to her. Nobody should have to suffer like that,” Poston said.

Lust and Privilege at the County Courthouse

According to Garmley’s lawsuit — and largely supported by the record in judicial proceedings so far — she went to the courthouse on April 9, 2012 in regard to an assault on her by three persons the previous day. When Garmley arrived at Cochran’s office, he requested that she meet with him alone, preventing her sister, who had been an eyewitness to the assault, from attending or providing a corroborating statement.

“While privately sitting in chambers with Cochran, I related details about the assault,” Garmley said in the lawsuit.

But Cochran was more interested in the state of her marriage, the suit alleges, whether or not she had cheated on her estranged husband, and whether the persons who assaulted her “have anything on her to hurt her divorce from Joe Garmley.” While shying away from particulars of the assault, Cochran made repeated comments about “how pretty” Garmley was and then veered into even more uncomfortable territory.

“My wife doesn’t take care of my sexual needs and I need a mistress to have sex with I can trust,” Garmley said Cochran told her. He had “a real boner” for her and wanted her to return to his office the following week, he added flirtatiously, the lawsuit alleges.

Garmley played along as if interested in his offer, the suit alleges, and then Cochran upped the ante by asking Garmley to send him a photo of herself in a seductive way to let him take a “sneak peek” at what he was going to get. After giving Garmley his private cell number, Cochran, with a fixed stare at Garmley, gave her a direct order: “Come back on Wednesday with a dress and no panties so we can have sex.”

Parental Alienation Syndrome in family courts

June 26, 2013 § Leave a comment

Parental Alienation Syndrome

When parents are denied the right to have contact with their children you have what is called Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS. This is not simply a burden that an alienated parent must bear, but their children too, must deal with being forced to live without one of the strongest bonds in their life: the bond between a child and his or her parent. Although calculated, the abusive damage being done to the child is often unknowingly committed.

Last month I introduced you to Derek, a father who is victim to a vindictive ex-wife and a corrupt Massachusetts divorce court system. Derek introduced me to PAS, a term and affliction I had never heard of before. According to Dr. Reena Sommer, Parental Alienation Syndrome is defined as:

“The deliberate attempt by one parent (and/or guardian/significant other) to distance his/her children from the other parent and in doing so, the parent engages the children in the process of destroying the affectional ties and familial bonds that once existed…”

Derek’s ex-wife systematically denied his right as a parent to see and even speak with his children to the extent that they believed he had abandoned them. Derek, as devastating as it was, did his best to respect the confines of the bogus restraining order placed on him by a corrupt court system so that he would not end up in jail, only to have his children after two long years, tell a court ordered psychiatrist that they were no longer interested in seeking a relationship with their father.

As a parent, my heart sank when Derek shared this with me. I felt my blood drain, then boil, and I felt sick to my stomach thinking what it would be like to hear this from my own children. It is unconscionable that any parent would do this to another and, in essence, their own children.

Anyone who seeks to exact revenge or the destruction of their ex-partner’s relationship with their own children is only seeing the pain it will inflict on the adult in this situation. They are so blinded by their own hate and anger that they cannot see the incredible and long-lasting damage they are causing their own children. “In these cases, children become the victims. They cannot win or defend themselves. It robs children of security and embeds in their minds falsehoods about the targeted parent that are injurious to their own psyche and their sense of self”(Sommer).

Ultimately, the only way to please the alienating parent is for their child to turn against the parent being targeted. The alienating parent forces their children to choose between two of the most important people in their lives. “The guilt they experience when their parents first separate is exacerbated by the added stress of being made to feel that their love for one parent is contingent on their abandoning the other.”

How does a parent do this without seeing the damage it is doing to their own flesh and blood? It is calculated brainwashing of oneself and one’s children. They use their own children as “spokespersons for their hatred”, soldiers in their battle to destroy their imagined enemy and pawns in a war where there will be no winners.

What is most frightening is neither the parent nor the children are aware of what is happening. It is difficult for children to protect themselves against one parent’s campaign against the other, and it is often so damaging that the effects are difficult to reverse.

According to my research, there are three types of ‘alienators’. Type one is known as the Naïve Alienator. Almost every divorcing parent, at one time or another, exhibits this behavior. It is expressed when their anger gets the better of them and they lash out verbally in front of their child or children.

“I can’t afford that. Your father makes more money than me. Tell him to buy it for you.” These parents are very much aware and respect the relationship their ex has with their children, but some times lose ‘their cool’. Because they can separate their own feelings from their children’s, they encourage and support the relationship the children have with the other parent. They are secure in knowing that their children are capable of needing and loving both parents equally. As a result, communication between both parents is frequent, respectful and healthy for all involved.

The type two alienator is the Active Alienator. This is the parent who often feels like they are losing control due to being angry and hurt over the loss of their relationship with their partner. They may return to court to have the legal system hash out problems between them rather than working them out together. They will point out their ex’s imperfections and/or inconsistencies to their children,

“She’s late again. She was late when we were dating, late when we were married and she’s still late. You’re probably going to miss your practice and it will be all her fault.”

In reality, these parents are doing their best and want their children to have a good relationship with the other parent, but their own feelings get in the way and frustration sets in. They apologize and try to mend the damage that has been done.

The type three alienator is the Obsessed Alienator. They are unable to separate their own feelings for the ex-partner from their children’s. They see protecting their children from the ex the number one priority and materialize abuse that has not occurred. “The obsessed alienator enmeshes the children’s personalities and beliefs in their own. This is a process that takes time but one that the children, especially the young, are completely helpless to see and combat.” The obsessed alienator is able to convince their family and friends that their ex is dangerous and abusive emotionally and, therefore, potentially physically abusive.

Their, “supporters are often seen at the court hearings even though they haven’t been subpoenaed.” Court hearings are frequent because the obsessed alienator’s main objective is to seek exacting revenge on the ex and completely alienate them from their children through false accusations. “They have a desire for the court to punish the other parent with court orders that would interfere or block the targeted parent from seeing their children. This confirms in the obsessed alienator’s mind that he or she was right all the time.”

The long term effects of PAS on the children, the innocent victims in these cases, are extensive and often irreversible. Children who have been forced to reject one parent over another can suffer from anger, depression, suicidal ideation, sleeping, eating and educational disorders, bedwetting, drug abuse or destructive behavior, anxiety and panic attacks, and damaged sexual identity. Boys often turn to delinquent or destructive behavior when the most important male figure has been villainized by their mother. Many children subjected to PAS have a fear of being abandoned or rejected because they have been brainwashed to believe that one of their parents are less desirable therefore they may be undesirable. As they get older, many of these children will try to fill the void of the missing parent with everything from bad behavior, to drugs, alcohol and sex.

The intention of the alienating parent is not to destroy their children’s psyche, but it is a horrendous side effect of the destructive war they wage against their ex-partner due to being blinded by anger, hate and revenge. Much can be done to prevent these effects. The first step is to recognize the signs of Parental Alienation (PA) in children.

It begins by recognizing that the focus is on the parent being alienated rather than the child or children. If visitation is court ordered, do NOT give the child the option not to visit a parent during designated times. This sets them up for conflict. Your children are not your confidants. Discussing every ‘little’ thing about your marital relationship is destructive and painful.

Claiming that you just want to be honest is a cloak for giving your children information that they cannot process or only turn into resentment against one of their parents. Refusing to allow children to bring their own property to and from both parent’s houses sets a dividing line between the two homes. Denying contact with a parent, refusing an ex-partner access to medical records, school or sports functions, placing blame on the other parent and using a child as a spy are just a few of many more signs that a child is being exposed to, and damaged by PA.

There is a great deal of research and literature about PA and PAS. It is the responsibility of every parent and family member of the children involved in a divorce to keep the children safe from having to choose between one parent or the other, or used as a pawn. I would hope that no parent would want any harm to come to their own child, especially at their own hands or actions.

Next month I will speak specifically about Derek’s case. His fight to see his children is ongoing. He still has no driver’s license, no rights as a father and has been completely alienated from his children for two years as of June 11th. He has no way of knowing how this is affecting his children. Unfortunately, this column sheds some light on just what that may be.

 

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